Unlikely Conversations
by TheBoredOne XIII
Summary: Updated! Later than I said! But still before I would have thought! Sword-sama says... continued! In this chapter... Bartre walked into a tree! and Karel... uses what in his hair! O.O find out..
1. Hector in Oswinland

Unlikely Conversations By TheBoredOne XIII aka Bored  
  
First off, a little bit of crediting needs to be done.  
  
Zero Tsubasa no Kami - Zero, for any ideas I may have gotten from you.. "CREDIT TO ZERO" I'll make a list later.  
  
I don't believe I've ever seen a fic about support conversations that never happened in the game, but if anyone has done this before 03/18/04 (there probably is one somewhere on the internet), credit to you.  
  
I'm just going to do the ones I think would be the most interesting. There are also a few characters that I never bothered to recruit (Like Harken) so I won't be doing those supports. If you have a request, email it to me.  
  
WARNING: There will be LOTS of times when the characters are... OOC. There'll probably be some shonen-ai in there too. If you don't like OOC shonen-ai then... click the little back button on your browser and don't read my fanfic.  
  
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Chapter 1  
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Matthew: Lord Hector!  
Hector: Oh great.. here's Matthew..  
Matthew: I have a job for you!  
Hector: YOU have a job for ME?  
Matthew: Think of it as a challenge?  
Hector: MATTHEW!  
Matthew: Okay, okay, okay!! How about I make it worth it?  
Hector: I'm listening.  
Matthew: Let's say.. um... Eliwood... _falls_ and isn't able to get up for a while?  
Hector: What is it that I have to do?  
Matthew: Yay. Okay, all you have to do is get information that I can use for blackmail.  
Hector: ... aren't YOU the spy?  
Matthew: Ah yes, but why should I have to do something when I can get someone else to do it?  
Hector: MATTHEW!!  
Matthew: Eep. Okay, just get some info on Lucius and Jaffar for me, okay?  
Hector: ... You can make sure Eliwood is out for a few chapters?  
Matthew: mhmm...  
Hector: Okay, but how the hell can I pull that off?  
Matthew: The tactician is in on it. Don't worry about it. Just "support" the people closest to them.  
Hector: ... supports, eh? Maybe you're not as stupid as you look.  
Matthew: You hurt me, Lord Hector.  
Hector: feh.  
  
**Hector and Raven C support:  
  
** Raven: You!  
Hector: ...  
Raven: Yes, YOU!  
Hector: ... you're that Raymond guy, right?  
Raven: !! NO! I am RAVEN. Not RAYMOND.  
Hector: huh. I could have sworn I overheard that cross-dressing monk call you "Lord Raymond".  
Raven: That is none of your concern!  
Hector: Yeah well, what do you want?  
Raven: I want your bloo-- nothing. Nevermind.  
Hector: My bloo-nothing?  
Raven: I said nevermind! You stupid Ostian noble!! YOU SHALL PAY!!*runs off*  
Hector: ...  
  
**Hector and Raven B support:  
  
** Raven: Yes... Yeeesss... That'll work... That stupid Hector will walk right into..  
Hector: hey! you! Raven!  
Raven: wah! huh? YOU!  
Hector: ... I just said that.  
Raven: What do you want?! I'm not planning your demise! Go away!  
Hector: I will not go away! The tactician said to stand next to Raven so she could get something called a "Support". Wait a minute.. my demise?  
Raven: Fine! Stand there if you must! And no! I said I WASN'T planning your demise!  
Hector: um.. okay...  
[silence]  
Hector: so... um.. did you hear that rumor about Priscilla?  
Raven: yes... yess.... that-- huh what? Priscilla? No. I don't know a Priscilla. I'm not related to a Priscilla.  
Hector: ... Is that a no?  
Raven: no to what?  
Hector: about the rumor!  
Raven: what rumor?  
Hector: about Priscilla!!  
Raven: You're going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of rumors about Priscilla... Um... none of which were started by me.  
Hector: Okay, the one about Priscilla and Erk.  
Raven: WHAT?! PRISCILLA AND THAT PUNY LITTLE MAGE?! I'LL KILL HIM!  
Hector: Whoa.. what's with you? Do you like Priscilla or something?  
Raven: what? ewww... incest is nasty! You pervert! You shall pay!!  
Hector: wait.. incest? wouldn't that make you and Priscilla rela--  
Raven: Gotta go. Bye. *runs off*  
Hector: O.O  
  
**Hector and Raven A support:**  
  
Raven: And then that puny little mage and that big oaf of a hect--  
Hector: Raven!  
Raven: yah!! Don't do that! Don't sneak up on a man planning the demise of his nemesis and a puny mage!  
Hector: Um... I've been meaning to ask you about that. What's with this revenge thing?  
Raven: I don't know what you're talking about.  
Hector: Don't give me that shit. I heard it from that Lucius guy. He's quite talkative with the right motivation. He started spilling out everything about how you're planning my death to avenge your fallen house of Cornwell and how you and Priscilla are related and Priscilla has this freaky crush on you. You're right. Incest is nasty.  
Raven: I don't know what you're talking about! I swear the monk was lying! He's not even really a monk! And he dyes his hair! It's actually naturally pink! You should disregard everything he told you!!  
Hector: *pulls out a notepad and starts writing* Hmm... pink you say.. Raven: ...  
Hector: Tell me more and stop trying to kill me.  
Raven: ... um okay.  
Hector: Hmm? Giving in that easily?  
Raven: *shrug* It wasn't really Ostia that destroyed House Cornwell anyway. It was Lucius. He was practicing his magic and blew it up. He had a really bad accuracy rate. He stole fourteen Secret Books to increase his skill.  
Hector: Interesting... tell me more...  
  
**Hector and Ninian C support:  
  
** Hector: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY and Z Now I know my ABC's, next time won't you kill Eliwood for me.  
Ninian: um...  
Hector: huh?! whoa.. You're that Ninian girl right? The one that Eliwood blames for nearly getting us killed on Valor, and the one who Eliwood blames for getting his dad killed.  
Ninian: oh... um... yeah well, if Eliwood was stronger and wasn't a puny little useless lord, you guys wouldn't have had a problem!! And Lord Elbert wouldn't have died if his stupid son wasn't such a weakling!  
Hector: ... So that's how you see him...  
Ninian: And you! You'd better not tell him about this! Or I'll.. I'll..  
Hector: You'll what?  
Ninian: I'll...  
Hector: Hahahahaa!! You can't hurt me! I AM HECTOR!! AND NOW THAT I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE ELIWOOD, I SHALL USE THE INFORMATION FOR BLACKMAIL!  
Ninian: *GASP* No!! Wait a minute.. Did you say that Eliwood blames ME for nearly getting us all killed and his dad's death?!  
Hector: shit.  
Ninian: I'll kill him!! I'll kill him!! *runs off*  
Hector: ..... I'm so screwed... HEY! YOU! WEIRD PALE DANCING GIRL!! COME BAAAACK! *runs after*  
  
**Hector and Ninian B support:  
  
** Ninian: Oh Eliwood! Come out come out where ever you are! I just wanna talk.  
Hector: Huff Puff.. Curses on that stupid dancer. Where the f-- aha! I have found you!!  
Ninian: Eh? oh. You. What are you doing here? Saving Eliwood's ass again?  
Hector: Eh? Nope. Saving my own ass. You see, Eliwood is a dear dear FRIEND of mine. I can't let you hurt him!  
Ninian: Oh how noble... wait a minute.. did you just say you were saving your own ass?  
Hector: No! I said.. Saving my... own.ly.. pass...  
Ninian: Your only pass?  
Hector: Yeah! My.. only pass to.. Oswinland!  
Ninian: OSWINland?  
Hector: Mhmm. See! It got stuck to your shoe there. *kneels down and pretends to pick up a paper* Thanks! Bye! *runs off*  
Ninian: ...  
  
**Hector and Ninian A support:  
  
** Ninian: Hector!!  
Hector: eep!  
Ninian: May I PLEASE see your Oswinland pass?  
Hector: Um... sure thing.  
Ninian: "Admit one HECTOR to OSWINland." ...  
Hector: ^_^  
Ninian: ... so where exactly IS this Oswinland?  
Hector: No one really knows EXACTLY where Oswinland is. It's kinda just.. THERE. Oswin is the only one who can bring people there. Yup.  
Ninian: May I go to Oswinland to check it out?  
Hector: I don't know... You do need a pass... and an Oswin...  
Ninian: ...  
Hector: I guess I can pull some strings and get you in...  
Ninian: oh really?  
Hector: .. IF you stop trying to kill Eliwood!  
Ninian: no.  
Hector: or.... you kill Eliwood without telling him I told you about him blaming you?  
Ninian: ... deal.  
  
**Hector and Nino C support:  
  
** Hector: Arrrgh...  
Nino: ah!! what was that sound?! a monster???  
Hector: Arrrgh...  
Nino: EEEP!!! AHHH!! DON'T HURT MEE!!! JAFFAR!!! HEEELP!!!  
Hector: Huh? Wha? ... Hey kid, what are you doing here?  
Nino: Huh? Oh! Lord Hector! I'm sorry, I thought you were a monster!  
Hector: ... a... monster?  
Nino: Uh huh.  
Hector: ...  
Nino: But now that I see it's just YOU, Lord Hector...  
Hector: Hey.. what's that supposed to mean?  
Nino: Ohh nothing. So.. nice weather, huh?  
Hector: Don't change the subject.  
Nino: Oh I know! Why don't we race?? Oh that's a great Idea! Come on Lord Hector! Let's race! *runs off*  
Hector: ... I... hate... kids...  
  
**Hector and Nino B support:  
  
** Nino: Heehee!! Hector can't catch me now! Not even if he stole a horse and rode it and trampled me and yelled "HAHAHA!!!"  
Hector: Hey. Kid.  
Nino: !! Hector!! Hey.. don't call me a kid! For your information, I'm FOURTEEN YEARS OLD!!  
Hector: ... Yeah, whatever.  
Nino: Don't "Yeah, whatever." me! I'm the teenager! I GET TO SAY YEAH, WHATEVER TO YOU! DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING?! YOU MAKE ME SO.. SO.. SO..  
Hector: angry?  
Nino: So.. so..  
Hector: ... mad?  
Nino: so..  
Hector: ... irritated? annoyed? sleepy?  
Nino: Hungry.  
Hector: ... ... ...  
Nino: Yeah, that's right! I'm hungry.  
Hector: ...  
Nino: ... Um.. Lord Hector?  
Hector: yeah, what is it?  
Nino: ... I'm hungry.  
Hector: ... I HATE kids...  
  
**Hector and Nino A support:  
  
** Nino: Heeeeectooooor!! I'm hungry!! Haven't you got ANYTHING to eat?  
Hector: Will you stop whining?! Go bother Jaffar or something!  
Nino: JAFFAR?! With his dot dot dot-ing?! What would THAT accomplish?!  
Hector: .. I thought you two were friends.  
Nino: Nah. Jaffar is creeeepy. He's a pedophile, I swear.  
Hector: pedophile... hmm...  
Nino: Really. He is. He told me I was his best friend.  
Hector: Tell me more.  
Nino: Give me food.  
Hector: gah. Here. Have some bread.  
Nino: K.  
Hector: well?  
Nino: oh. um.. his real name is Eugene.  
Hector: O.O Eugene?  
Nino: uh huh. Oh and, he's on steroids. and he's on anti-depressants. He takes Prozac. He's tried Zoloft, but it had... weird... side effects.  
Hector: such as?  
Nino: Well, he turned into this ball thing. This white ball thing with a really thick black outline. And it had a sad face on it. And it bounced around looking sad. Then this banner appeared out of nowhere and it read "Hahahaha!! Zoloft sucks! You got suckered into buying a faulty product! EVERYONE KNOWS PROZAC IS THE WAY TO GO!!" Then he turned back to normal and started crying.  
Hector: O.O Interesting...  
  
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Later  
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Hector: *sitting in front of something the tactician called a "computer".* Upload html file. *calls to Eliwood* Hey! Eliwood! Come look at my "website"!  
Eliwood: *beaten up and bandaged up* huh? *hobbles over* whoaa.. Jaffar's real name is EUGENE?! Hey Hector! This is almost as good as Matthew's site!  
Hector: almost?  
Eliwood: Uh huh. By the way, is it true that you were the grape in our school play?  
Hector: ... MAAAAAAAATTHEW!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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Elsewhere  
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Matthew: Upload html file. Heh heh heh... *holds up Hector's Oswinland pass*. I wonder if I could sell this on eBay...  
  
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To be continued.. maybe...  
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Ah.. The Hector/Nino supports kinda sucked.. But I bet you didn't know that Jaffar's actually named Eugene and he's on Prozac! =P Review if you want... 


	2. Erk the Spy!

Wee!! Chapter 2! Thanks to everyone for their reviews! =D  
  
Matthew: I have a fan!!  
Bored: um.. good for you.  
Matthew: *Waves*  
Bored: ... on with the fic!  
  
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Chapter 2  
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Hector: that conniving little.. little.. Matthew!  
Matthew: you called milord?  
Hector: Matthew! *pulls out axe*  
Matthew: Err... Let's calm down, shall we?  
Hector: I AM calm. *swings axe*  
Matthew: *dodge* Hahahaha!! You can't hit me with my amazing thief powers of evasion and running away really fast!! *turns and runs*  
Hector: ... MATTHEW!! *running after Matthew with armor that's making very loud clinking sounds*  
Oswin: Go Lord Hector! Go! Matthew is no match for your clinkiness!  
Hector: ... Um.. thank you?  
Oswin: *clinks up to Hector and slaps him on the back*  
Hector: *falls over and rolls after Matthew* OOOOSSSSWIIIIIIN!!!!!  
Oswin: ... oops...  
  
[farther ahead]  
  
Matthew: *ducks into bush*  
Hector: *Rolls by* OSWIIIIN!!! MAAAATTHEW!!!  
Matthew: O.O  
Oswin: This calls for drastic measures!! *rolls after Hector* I'm coming, m'lord!  
Matthew: O.O er... right... I guess I can count Hector out of my little blackmail scheme... *looks around the camp* Hmm... need... another scapegoat.. *spots Erk* Perfect.  
  
**Matthew and Erk C support:  
  
** Matthew: Erk!  
Erk: *reading*  
Matthew: Erk?  
Erk: *reading* Go away.  
Matthew: Oh come now. I have a proposition for you.  
Erk: Not interested.  
Matthew: Pleeeaaase?  
Erk: No.  
Matthew: Pleeeaaase?  
Erk: No.  
Matthew: I'll tell Priscilla.  
Erk: See if I care.  
Matthew: I'll tell Serra.  
Erk: feh.  
Matthew: ... I'll tell Serra that you and Priscilla are a "hot" couple.  
Erk: What?!  
Matthew: And then the word will get out...  
Erk: You wouldn't...  
Matthew: And then it'll find its way to oh.. Raven?  
Erk: *eyes go really really wide*  
Matthew: I'll give you time to think. *Does the Matthew Smile™ (1)*  
Erk: .. don't smile like that. It's scary.  
Matthew: Aww.. but it's fun.  
  
**Matthew and Erk B support:  
  
** Erk: Damn! Priscilla still have 1 HP left...  
Matthew: Hmmm? What was that, Erk-ee?  
Erk: Wah!! Grr... MATTHEW!  
Matthew: Would you rather it be Serra? *does the Matthew Smile™*  
Erk: HELL NO.  
Matthew: Hahahaha... Now what was that about Priscilla having 1 HP left?  
Erk: Nothing. You heard nothing. Don't call me Erky. Why don't you go bother Guy or mourn over what's... oh yeah.. Leila dying.  
Matthew: Ahh.. That's not funny.  
Erk: It wasn't supposed to be.  
Matthew: ...  
Erk: ...  
Matthew: You're mean.  
Erk: ... I'M mean? _I'M_ MEAN?! YOU THINK I'M MEAN?!  
Matthew: I believe that's what I said.  
Erk: Why you.. *Elfires Matthew  
Matthew: whoa! *dodge* watch it! You nearly hit me!  
Erk: ... That was my intention..  
Matthew: See. Meanie.  
Erk: *Eye twitches*  
Matthew: Okay, okay. Why don't we just caaaaalm down.  
Erk: *twitch*  
Matthew: Okay.. that doesn't seem to be happening.. I think I'll come back.. later..  
  
**Matthew and Erk A support:**  
  
Matthew: Erk!  
Erk: Oh wonderful.  
Matthew: Come now! Would you rather it was--  
Erk: don't even say it.  
Matthew: Well I was going to say Raven.. but anyway.  
Erk: ... What do you want?  
Matthew: Did you think it over?  
Erk: Think what over?  
Matthew: Whether you would accept my proposition or not!  
Erk: .. I might have... if I knew what exactly you were proposing.  
Matthew: Oh that's not important. Just minor details...  
Erk: So you're saying you want me to agree to do something for you without knowing the details and the chances that I'm going to get hurt?  
Matthew: pretty much.  
Erk: ... what's in it for me?  
Matthew: Umm... I won't tell Raven you want Priscilla dead.  
Erk: ... ... deal.  
Matthew: Okay. I need you to get me information on some people.  
Erk: ... WHICH people?  
Matthew: Raven and--  
Erk: RAVEN?! ARE YOU MAD?!  
Matthew: partially. anyway..  
Erk: *twitch*  
Matthew: Raven and Canas.  
Erk: *twitchtwitch* What are you going to do when Raven beats me up and buries me alive?  
Matthew: you're expendable.  
Erk: WHAT?!  
Matthew: just kidding!! Okay, okay, you can talk to Lucius instead. I'm sure the Monk can tell you something useful.  
Erk: great...  
Matthew: Have fun! ^_^  
  
**Erk and Lucius C support:**  
  
Erk: Let's hope all holy people aren't like Serra..  
Lucius: Hi!!  
Erk: That can't be a good sign...  
Lucius: Hi?  
Erk: Er.. hi.  
Lucius: You're that anima magic guy, Erk aren't you?  
Erk: ... um.. yeah..  
Lucius: I'm Lucius. I'm a Monk. I hang around Raven. If you make me mad, Raven will beat you up. *smile*  
Erk: ... great... someone else who can get Raven to beat me up.  
Lucius: *smile*  
Erk: so.. um... how long have you known Raven?  
Lucius: since he was a liiiiittle kid.  
Erk: so.. then you must ha--  
Lucius: wanna go get some lunch?  
Erk: well.. not really.. and this isn't exactly the best time to go and get some..  
Lucius: *glare*  
Erk: but then again...  
  
**Erk and Lucius B support:**  
  
Lucius: *holding bill* .. you're paying.  
Erk: what?! oh fine. -_- *pays*  
Lucius: yay.  
Erk: so... when Ra--  
Lucius: oh! look! a flyer! "Come one! Come all! Come to Oswinland for a day of Oswin-y fun!"  
Erk: ...  
Lucius: oh! sounds like fun! would you like to come with me?  
Erk: well actually.. I'm kinda busy wi--  
Lucius: *glare*  
Erk: but I can always cancel...  
Lucius: ^_^ yayy!!  
Erk: er.. but Lucius..  
Lucius: _but?_  
Erk: errr.. well.. can you give me some info on raven?  
Lucius: oh? is that all? sure.  
Erk: o.O  
Lucius: but first! Oswinland!  
  
**Erk and Lucius A support:**  
  
Lucius: *squeal* thank you erk-y!! *hugs Oswin Armour Plush* It's clinky and plushy all in one! =D  
Erk: err... yeah.. about raven..  
Lucius: don't worry about raven! he won't hurt you! I will make sure of it!  
Erk: well thanks, but that's not what I meant.  
Lucius: huh? oh right. well let's see. What did you want to know?  
Erk: um.. *reads off notecard he got from Matthew* "Incriminating stuffies."  
Lucius: ohh. I got lots of those stories.  
Erk: *pulls out notepad* go ahead.  
Lucius: okay. he wet the bed until he was seven.  
Erk: o.O  
Lucius: and this one time, he fell asleep in the bathtub, and priscilla was screaming "OMIGOSH!! RAYMOND IS DEAD! RAYMOND IS DEAD! Can I have his room, daddy, pleeeaaaaase???".  
Erk: Raymond? Lucius: yeah, his real name is raymond, and priscilla is his sister, and she secretly wants him dead, and he secretly wants her dead.  
Erk: *writes this down* Everyone knows they're siblings. It's kinda... well.. DUUUUHH  
Lucius: yah.  
Erk: Anything elsE?  
Lucius: um... Raven used to work at a club.  
Erk: o.O so?  
Lucius: as a dancer...  
Erk: O.O waaaay too much info...  
  
**Erk and Canas C support:**  
  
Erk: Err... Hello.  
Canas: well who have we here? A young anima mage?  
Erk: Um. yeah.. I'm Erk, Lord Pent's student..  
Canas: Oh so YOU'RE Lord Pent's student. (2) Well I didn't think you would be so... short.  
Erk: yeah well..wait a minute.. I'M NOT SHORT!  
Canas: Um.. yes of course. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.  
Erk: grr...  
Canas: So anyway, how may I help you, my young mage?  
Erk: um.. what'cha reading?  
Canas: errrr... this? *hides behind back* nothing you'd be interested in.  
Erk: no really, what is it?  
Canas: nothing.  
Erk: but you just said there was something. and you're holding it behind your back.  
Canas: trust me. you'd not be interested.  
Erk: but..  
Canas: well toodles! (3)  
Erk: toodles? O.o  
  
**Erk and Canas B support:**  
  
Canas: oo... heeheee  
Erk: Um.. hi canas.  
Canas: heeheeheeeheeeee  
Erk: Canas?  
Canas: eep!! AHH!! DON'T DO THAT!!  
Erk: what? say hi?  
Canas: yes well.. *Ahem* How may I help you?  
Erk: what were you reading?  
Canas: huh? oh.. um.. nothing. I wasn't reading anything.  
Erk: Yes you were.  
Canas: was not.  
Erk: Were too.  
Canas: was not  
Erk: were too  
Canas: was not!  
Erk: were too!!  
Canas: WAS NOT!  
Erk: WERE TOO!  
Canas: WAS NOT!  
Erk: WERE NOT!  
Canas: WAS TOO!  
Erk: AHA!  
Canas: gah! *runs off*  
Erk: damn.  
  
**Erk and Canas A support:**  
  
Canas: stupid mage. *looks around* ahh good. no where in site. *pulls out what he was reading before* now where was I..  
Erk: *standing behind Canas* Um.. hi.  
Canas: huh? *turns around* YAAAAH!!!! ARE YOU EVERYWHERE OR SOMETHING?!  
Erk: ... Er.. no?  
Canas: yes well. I'm not reading anything. Please just leave me alone.  
Erk: okay fine. *walks away*  
Canas: pesky mage. *goes back to reading*  
Erk: *snatches magazine Canas is reading*  
Canas: NO!!  
Erk: O.O  
Canas: give it back!!  
Erk: YOU READ PL--  
Canas: *covers Erk's mouth* shh!!  
Erk: bu--  
Canas: I SAID SHH!  
Erk: BU--  
Canas: SHUT UP!  
Erk: BUT IT'S A PLAYBOY!  
Canas: AHH!! *runs off* DON'T BELIEVE HIM! OHH MY WIFE IS GOING TO KILL ME!  
Erk: *sweatdrop*  
  
**Later...**  
  
Matthew: Wow... good job Erk.  
Erk: That was very... very... disturbing...  
Matthew: 'Tis the job of a spy.  
Erk: I'm not a spy.  
Matthew: oh.. well sucks for you!  
Erk: *twitch* Why didn't you just do this yourself?  
Matthew: It's an old saying! "Never do anything when you can get someone else to do it!"  
Erk: ... that's not a very good saying..  
Matthew: *shrug* it works.  
Erk: ... so... you don't do much spywork... you don't fight that often... what exactly are you good for?  
Matthew: um... I collect favours? *Matthew Smile™*  
Erk: -_-  
  
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To Be Continued...  
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(1) The Matthew Smile™ - That crooked smile that Matthew has. Came up with it while RPing with a friend xP  
  
(2) Not really a note... just when I was typing "student" I accidentally typed "stupid" *sweatdrop*  
  
And I have nothing against Canas. I just thought that would be interesting ^_^;;  
  
Weee!! Chapter 2 is finished!! Review if ya want to. 


	3. Who's female?

Oh boy, an update ^_^  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! (Ayokaeu, I have friends! *holds up the almighty PooD plushie*)  
  
Shinobi Demoness, the alt code for ™ is alt +0153, not that it matters or anything. Matthew says hi.  
  
Matthew: ^_^  
  
Bored: ... don't do that.  
  
Matthew: *Matthew Smile™*  
  
Bored: -_-  
  
Matthew: ^_^  
  
Bored: I have decided to employ a muse... or... force one into service. whatever ^_^;; but who...  
  
Matthew: How about Jaffar? He seems like a nice guy.  
  
Bored: O.O  
  
Matthew: what?  
  
Bored: riiiight...  
  
Matthew: what?!  
  
Bored: nothing.. why don't you go play with your lockpick or something?  
  
Matthew: lockpick-samaaaa!! *hugs lockpick*  
  
Bored: ... ANYWAY...  
  
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Chapter 3  
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Matthew: yayy *bounces up and down happily* erk got lots of information!! O.O dancer?  
Erk: ... give me the sugar.  
Matthew: You wanna go ona suga-high too????  
Erk: ... no.  
Matthew: *ahem* Okay. anyway. I have a new job for you.  
Erk: forget it. I'm outta here.  
Matthew: YOU CAN'T QUIT! I OWN YOU!! I OWWWWN YOUUU!!!  
Erk: ...  
Matthew: ... please? I'll tell Ser--  
Erk: forget it. I'm not afraid of Raven anymore.  
Matthew: crap.  
Lucius: Errrk-y!! *bounces over* Guess wat!!  
Matthew: ... Say.. Lucius..  
Erk: OH NO YOU DON'T! *grabs lucius by the hair and drags him off* DON'T LISTEN TO THAT THIEF!  
Matthew: ASSASSIN!  
Erk: *mumbles something about a bad choice on upgrades*  
Lucius: OWOWOWOWOW LEGGO MY HAIR!!  
Matthew: Damn.. don't tell me I have to do my own dirty work!  
Bored: *pops in from nowhere* of course not. that wouldn't make for a very interesting fic. I mean.. I was talking to hector and he told me how bad of a spy you are..  
Matthew: what?!  
Bored: er... and how good you are at manipulating poor unsuspecting folk?  
Matthew: damn straight.  
Bored: ...  
Matthew: um.. right.  
Bored: ...now be a good matthew and uh.. go play with your lockpick or uh... recruit some poor sap or something.. *gets distracted by something shiny aka wallace's head* wow... it's so... ugly. *pokes it with a spear*  
Wallace: OW!  
Bored: hee... heehee...  
Matthew: ... that was a very long and pointless intro..  
Bored: right. on with it.  
  
**Sain and Matthew C support:  
  
** Matthew: *pulls out the Sucker Seeker Scope 2042* Hmmm... Let's see what we've got here... Hector.. will kill me, Oswin.. will kill me, Raven.. will kill me, Hawkeye.. will kill me... or stare me to death, Serra... no.. just.. no., Karel.. will EAT me... Sain.. *Shudder* ewww... crap! he's coming this way! must... hide...  
Sain: HIYA MATTHEW!  
Matthew: crap crap crap crap crap... er... hello Sain...  
Sain: what'cha got there? Can you spy on ken-- girls with that?  
Matthew: .. did you just say kent?  
Sain: NO.  
Matthew: I swear I heard kent.  
Sain: No you didn't!!  
Matthew: sure... ... say.. sain...  
Sain: yeesss?  
Matthew: .. don't do that.  
Sain: Whhhhyyy?  
Matthew: .. nevermind. *walks away*  
Sain: hey! I'll stop! really! come back... don't leave me alone! ... ... I'm lonely... I'll go find Kent! *runs off*   
  
**Sain and Matthew B support:  
  
** Matthew: oh come on.. this camp is full of suckers! why can't I find one?!  
Sain: =( where's Kent? hey! it's Matthew!  
Matthew: ... er... hello... Sain..  
Sain: what'cha doin'?  
Matthew: lookin' for suckers.  
Sain: fuckers?! can i help?  
Matthew: O.O THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!  
Sain: oh..  
Matthew: ... go away.  
Sain: =( no one likes Sain. Oh woe is me! Oo!! it's Kent! *runs off*  
Matthew: ... ... ... sometimes you have to work for this kind of stuff.. and sometimes it just comes to you.. *scribbles something in blackmail notebook*  
  
**Sain and Matthew A support:  
  
** Sain: HI MATTHEW! Can I call you Matt? or Matty!  
Matthew: ... for the love of... SAIN WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!  
Sain: Why? What did I do, Matty?  
Matthew: you're bringing back unpleasant memories of conversations with Serra.  
Sain: .. sowwy.  
Matthew: ... you know what... you can do a job for me.  
Sain: really?  
Matthew: uh huh.  
Sain: what's in it for me?  
Matthew: -_- ... you get to talk to and get to know a lot of pretty girls?  
Sain: OKAY!  
Matthew: ... uh... I want you to get me information on... Nino... Vaida...Lucius and Karel...  
Sain: ... i thought you said i would get to know a lot of pretty girls!!  
Matthew: err... Vaida... can... uh... let you into a new secret club! where you get to meet lots of.. pretty.. girls..  
Sain: really? but isn't Vaida male? and Karel too?  
Matthew: No, I already looked into that. Vaida claims to be female.  
Sain: .. wow... what about Karel?  
Matthew: ... Karel just PRETENDS to be male.  
Sain: REALLY?!  
Matthew: ... yeah! just like lucius..  
Sain: Lucius pretends to be male?  
Matthew: ... nevermind. I mean. uh.. just like Kent!  
Sain: I KNEW IT! And Kent tries to stop be from hitting on girls, cause he... SHE's jealous right??  
Matthew: *mutters* what an idiot..  
Sain: what was that?  
Matthew: nothing nothing... uh. yeah.. jealous. whatever.  
Sain: THANKS MATTHEW! Um... you know, to repay your kindness, I'm gonna let you in on something!  
Matthew: ...  
Sain: Back when Castle Caelin was under the attack of Laus, I saw this really pretty girl with red hair. I think she was an assassin. She said something about a Matthew! So, do you know her? huh? do you? Do you think I can meet her?  
Matthew: ... I'LL KILL YOU!! *pulls out killing edge and prepares for a kill shot*  
Sain: !! AHHHHHH!!!!!! *runs off*  
  
-----  
TBC  
  
Ah.. I'd do more, but it's late and I'm tired... Those kinda sucked. sorry... most of it was just random ^_^;;; Review, if ya want to. Next chapter, I'll do the Sain supports. And i'll try to get it up sooner...  
  
Matthew: what about the muse?  
  
Bored: uh.. oh right. I have decided!  
  
Matthew: who??  
  
Bored: NOT YOU!  
  
Matthew: ... oh... Jaffar?  
  
Bored: ... you DO know it was jaffar who..  
  
Matthew: ?  
  
Bored: uh... nevermind.  
  
Matthew: ?  
  
Bored: Review? =) 


	4. Pancakes, Swordsama, and Sain's blood

Okay, here it is. The SAIN SUPPORTS OF DOOM!!  
  
Bored: I don't really think Sain sounded Sain-like enough in the last chapter. Hope he sounds more sain this chapter.  
Matthew: Sain's not sane.  
Bored: no, sain, not sane.  
Matthew: what?  
Bored: forget it -_- Now, to the Sain supports!  
Matthew: This should be... disturbing.  
Bored: You said it.  
Matthew: what did Jaffar do?  
Bored: go read your supports.  
Matthew: later, i gotta go KILLSERRAFORSOMEONE. bye.  
Bored: ...am i missing something here?  
  
-----  
Chapter 4  
-----  
Sain: let's see... Nino...  
Kent: SAIN!  
Sain: ep.. Keeeent!!  
Kent: ... I don't like how you said my name.  
Sain: It's okay Kent! Matthew told me.  
Kent: ... told you what?  
Sain: ... that you're female of course!  
Kent: HE WHAT?!  
Sain: =) Why'd you lie to me?  
Matthew: *runs up* I'VE FOUND YOU! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SAIN!  
Kent: MATTHEW! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!  
Matthew: ... *stops* shit.  
Sain: Keeent answer me!!  
Kent: I'LL KILL YOU  
Sain: =( Why do all the pretty girls say that to me?  
Matthew: ... did you just call Kent a pretty girl?  
Kent: I'LL KILL YOU  
Sain: Kent's female. remember?  
Kent: I KILL YOU I KILL YOU I KILL YOU I KILL YOU  
Matthew: well I'd love to stick around for that but... I... don't wanna. Bye! *Matthew Smiles™ and runs off*  
Kent: *evil glares after Matthew* grrr  
Sain: *sneaks off* =( no one likes Sain. Sain feels lonely. Sain is going to go hit on pretty girls. =)  
Kent: *still glaring*  
  
**Sain and Nino C support:**  
  
Sain: Ohhhh  
Nino: huh?  
Sain: Are you the fair maidan, Nino?  
Nino: uh...  
Sain: May I stand by your side?  
Nino: ... why?  
Sain: Because being with you makes my hea--  
Nino: OH LOOK OUT!  
Random Female Bishop #1: *Uses Shine on Sain* **YOU**.  
Sain: x.x  
RFB1: PERVERT. *Turns on heel and walks off*  
Nino: uhhh... Sain? Sain... Wake up... Sain? ... Okay, whatever. *walks away*  
Sain: Oh woe is Sain. ;_;  
  
**Sain and Nino Support B  
**  
Sain: Oh! Nino! I am sorry about that interruption before. But now! Please allow me to remain by your side and protect you!  
Nino: ... Um.. okay..  
Sain: Ohh Nino, Nino, Nino. You are so very cute.  
Nino: ...  
Sain: Really, there is no one cuter than you! Not a single per-  
Nino: SAIN WATCH OUT!  
Random Female Bishop #'s 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7: HYAAA!!!!!! *hit Sain with heal staves*  
Random Female Bishop # 6: YOU HAD THAT COMING, YOU $*@&ing $*@&er!!  
Sain: x.x  
Nino: *edges away*  
Sain: *gets up* have no fear, fair Nino!! SAIN SHALL PROTECT YOU! CHAAAAAARRRRRRGEE *runs at bishops*  
Bishops: *disappear down one of those staircases*  
Sain: *runs into a wall*  
Nino: *long gone*  
  
**Sain and Nino A support:**  
  
Sain: Nino! Oh!! How ashamed I am!!  
Nino: .. about what?  
Sain: That poor performance yesterday! Please! give me but one more chance!!  
Nino: ... to do what?  
Sain: Protect you!  
Nino: Um.. why?  
Sain: Because I like you!  
Nino: ...  
Sain: Nino?  
Nino: ... EWWWWWWWW PEDOPHILE!! EEEEEEEK!! EEEEK!!! PEDOPHILE!!  
Random Female Bishops #1-7: IT'S THE RFB TO THE RESCUE!! *Run in and beat Sain until he only has 1 HP left*  
Nino: Thanks!  
RFB: no problem. *All walk away after stepping on Sain's back*  
Sain: ... Oh Woe is Sain x.x  
  
**Sain and Vaida C support:  
**  
Vaida: You! Cavalier!  
Sain: hunh?  
Vaida: What are you doing?! GIVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION TO THE ENEMY! WHY ARE YOU STARING AT HEATH!? HE'S MINE!  
Sain: he?  
Vaida: ... YES YOU FOOL!  
Sain: oh... I thought he was a she.  
Vaida: WELL HE'S NOT! AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!  
Sain: hey, I DON'T WANT HIM ANYMORE!  
Vaida: *evil glare*  
Sain: *sain glare (this is not much of a glare if you couldn't tell)* I only want to stare at pretty girls! not guys that look like pretty girls!  
Vaida: why you!! Well, fine. Why don't you stare at me then?  
Sain: *trying to keep self from laughing*  
Vaida: WHAT WAS THAT?!  
Sain: *giggles*  
Vaida: AND WHAT EXACTLY IS SO FUNNY?!  
Sain: A HAHAHAHAHHAAHAAA!! HAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!!!  
Vaida: *smacks Sain with club that she stole from Bartre who is pretending to be a cave man trying to eat nino (nino: ahh!! bartre: bartre hungry!!) (Okay, well.. we think he's pretending..)*  
Sain: HAHAH--OWIE! ;_;  
Vaida: stupid useless men... piece of... grrr...  
  
**Sain and Vaida B support:**  
  
Vaida: YOU!  
Sain: Ahhh..  
Vaida: ARE YOU STARING AT HEATH AGAIN?!  
Sain: No! Really, please, don't hurt me.  
Vaida: Eh, Umbriel? Do you want a snack?  
Sain: *cower*  
Vaida: Stop cowering! You call yourself a man? Umbriel isn't going to eat you.  
Sain: *gets up* oh.. er.. thank you. e heh...  
Vaida: I wouldn't want Umbriel to get sick after or something.  
Sain: so cruel..  
Vaida: What was that?!  
Sain: ah! nothing...  
Vaida: Bah. *leaves*  
Sain: .. scary..  
  
**Sain and Vaida A support:  
**  
Sain: Vaida!  
Vaida: eh? what do you want, you simpleton?  
Sain: I wanted to apologize for laughing at you. To make it up, I want to offer you a date with myself.  
Vaida: Ha! Like I would want to be seen with YOU.  
Sain: Even the ugly ones shoot Sain down.. ohh..  
Vaida: *twitch* ug.. *twitch* ly *twitch* ...?  
Sain: ehhh heh... heh...  
Vaida: YOU NOW HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO LIVE!  
Sain: eep! please.. er.. wait!  
Vaida: GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.  
Sain: Cause... KENT WILL AVENGE ME!  
Vaida: ... who?  
Sain: KENT! YOU SHOULD FEAR HER, YOU SHOULD!  
Vaida: ... what kind of name is Kent for a female?  
Sain: You know, I was wondering about that myself. Kent.. kent.. maybe her parents and Erk's parents knew each other and formed a "people who can't name their children" club!  
Vaida: ...  
Sain: Or maybe it's not her real name! maybe it's.. Kentrietta, or.. Kent Sue, or Kentice, or..  
Vaida: .. *backs away*  
Sain: Vaida? where're you going?  
Vaida: *leaves*  
Sain: ;_;  
  
**Sain and Lucius C support:  
**  
Sain: ohhh!! Such beautiful golden hair, and such wonderful sapphire eyes! Surely this is a dream!  
Lucius: ... Sain, what are you do--  
Sain: Oh fair Lucius, would you grant me your company?  
Lucius: uhh... Sai--  
Sain: shush! don't speak! let us just live this moment!  
Lucius: SAI--  
Sain: shush! Please! Do not break the silence!  
Lucius: What silence?! We're on a battlefield! There are people dying around us?! You call this silent?!  
Sain: But in my heart, there is no sound! Only you and I together!  
Lucius: .. Sain...  
Sain: Yes?  
Lucius: would you shut up and listen to me for a sec--  
Sain: Oh woe is me! Alas! The tactician calls me away! But I shall return!!  
Lucius: ... Saint Elimine... I plead to you.. please.. PLEASE.. smite him x.x  
  
**Sain and Lucius B support:**  
  
Lucius: Oh! Sain.  
Sain: Ohhh fortune smiles upon us, fair Lucius!  
Lucius: uh.. sai--  
Sain: I feel so happy to be standing by your side once again!  
Lucius: Sai--  
Sain: Ohh!! If this moment could just last forever!!  
Lucius: SAI--  
Sain: Forever and ever and ever and ever!!  
Lucius: *rolls eyes* Look. Sain... I'm ma--  
Sain: madly in love with me?! oh!! I feel the same way!  
Lucius: *twitch* *twitch* *Twitch*  
Sain: oh! do you have something in your eye?  
Lucius: sa..i...  
Sain: Shhh... speak not! Words are not neccessary! I can feel how you feel! It is a sign of how close we truly are!!  
Lucius: sain...  
Sain: lucius...  
Lucius: *deep breath* look. all of what you just said..  
Sain: is from my heart! surely you believe me! please! I speak not but the truth!  
Lucius: that's not what I was trying to sa--  
Sain: then you believe me? oh good! ohh cruel fate! I am sorry, my dear lucius, but I must leave you once again!  
Lucius: ... Saint Elimine, what have I done to deserve this?  
  
**Sain and Lucius A support:  
  
** Sain: Dearest Lucius!  
Lucius: SAIN! PLEASE WOULD YOU JUST LISTEN?  
Sain: Yes, of course!  
Lucius: Sain... I'm ma--  
Sain: ah ye--  
Lucius: no talking!  
Sain: sorry..  
Lucius: I'm a MONK.  
Sain: That's okay! I know you are in the service of Saint Elimine! It matters not! I love you still!  
Lucius: no no no I'm a MONK. MONK  
Sain: yes... and that doesn't matt--  
Lucius: ARE YOU SO DENSE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW THAT MONKS ARE MALE?!  
Sain: Male?  
Lucius: MALE.  
Sain: Oh lucius! Why do you taunt me so? There is another isn't there?  
Lucius: are you listening? I said I'm MALE.  
Sain: It's that Raven fellow isn't it?!  
Lucius: NO! I'M MALE!! MALE!! LISTEN YOU OAF! MAAAAALE!!  
Sain: You don't need to lie to me, Lucius! Sain is used to being shot down!  
Lucius: GAH!! RAvEN-SAMA!!!!!! *runs off to find Raven*  
  
**Sain and Karel C support**  
  
: Sain: Hi there!  
Karel: ... you... I've no interest in you.. you.. are not worthy of being cut by sword-sama!  
Sain: err...  
Karel: get out of our sight!  
Sain: our?  
Karel: were you not listening?! SWORD-SAMA!  
Sain: uhhh... well... err...  
Karel: You are weak. Your attention is ever wavering. You should concentrate on the foe at hand!  
Sain: I'm not weak!  
Karel: YES YOU ARE!  
Sain: meep..  
Karel: AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE WEAK?  
Sain: because of my dashedly good looks?  
Karel: NO! BECAUSE SWORD-SAMA SAID SO!  
Sain: *sweatdrop* oh.. is that why?  
Karel: YES.  
Sain: okay.. i'm.. going... to... edge away now.. *edges away*  
Karel: should we let him go sword-sama? what's that? he's not worth the chase? yes.. yes of course..  
Sain: o.o;;;  
  
**Sain and Karel B support:**  
  
Karel: I see you have gotten stronger.  
Sain: what?  
Karel: but not strong enough.. You are still not worth being speared on the blade of sword-sama.  
Sain: um... goodie?  
Karel: That is not a good thing. Sword-sama says not only are you not worthy, you are a perverted idiot that thinks I'm female.  
Sain: you're not?  
Karel: ... but there are times when there are exceptions.. TASTE SWORD-SAMA'S BLADE! HYAA!! *charges*  
Sain: AHHHH!!! *runs away*  
Karel: FIGHT LIKE THE MAN YOU AREN'T! STOP RUNNING!  
Sain: NO!  
Karel: SWORD-SAMA WILL SLASH YOUR LEGS AND MAKE YOU STOP!  
Sain: PSYCHO! *runs to horse; mounts; rides off* BYE!  
Karel: YOU CAN NOT RUN FROM SWORD-SAMA!! SWORD-SAMA KNOWS ALL!!! SWORD-SAMA TELLS ME THAT YOU'RE GOING TO RUN OFF AND HIT ON KENT!!!  
  
**Sain and Karel A support:**  
  
Karel: Did I not tell you? You can not escape sword-sama!!  
Sain: eep... err.. can't we talk about this?  
Karel: Sword-sama longs for blood. Even the blood of a perverted wimp that thinks everything that moves is female. Thus, Sword-sama will have blood. YOUR blood.  
Sain: but.. um.. you don't want my blood. You want.. err.. Raven's blood! Raven has nice blood. Nice red blood.  
Karel: as opposed to your blood, which is what color?  
Sain: er... purple?  
Karel: Sword-sama says you are lying. Sword-sama doesn't like liars. Sword-sama wants your blood.  
Sain: Please! Uh... If you spare me, I'll take you to the blood drive at the clinic!!  
Karel: What is the meaning of blood without the flesh to cut through and the screams of pain from the opponent and the satisfied laugh of sword-sama?  
Sain: ... err.. you can cut through the plastic baggy. And.. uh.. I'll scream?  
Karel: I think it would be easier to destroy you. (Lucius: GO KAREL GO!)  
Sain: but... why?  
Karel: This crappy army doesn't have anyone worthy of my blade and sword-sama got sick of eating coffee cake.  
Sain: *blink*  
Karel: prepare to die.  
Sain: noo!!  
Karel: *about to hit Sain* *stops short* What's that sword-sama? You here that guy with no eyes has made pancakes? LET'S GO! *runs off*  
Sain: O.O  
  
-----  
  
Sain: Maaaatthew...  
Matthew: ... You have.. NOTHING?  
Sain: well, they wouldn't tell me anything.  
Matthew: .. did you let them speak?  
Sain: of course I did! What do you think? I'm completely capable of getting informat--  
Matthew: *taps foot*  
Sain: okay, so maybe I said a little more than them..  
Matthew: *taps foot*  
Sain: I'M NOT BEING INTERROGATED! I DON'T NEED TO STAND HERE AND BE INSULTED! HMPH! *stalks off*  
Raven: *walks up to matthew* Have you seen Sain?  
MattheW: yes I have  
Kent: *walks up to matthew* Have you seen Sain?  
Matthew: I was just about to--  
Jaffar: *walks up to matthew* ...  
Matthew: ... uh.. yeah. He's right over there. *points to Sain who is now hitting on a tree*  
Sain: I think you're hot too!  
Kent: ...  
Raven: ...  
Jaffar: ...  
Kent: *draws Silver Lance*  
Raven: *draws Silver Axe*  
Jaffar: *draws Killing Edge*  
Matthew: heh.. heh... heh...  
Karel: *standing behind Matthew* Boo.  
Matthew: *sweatdrop*  
Karel: Give me your pancakes.  
MattheW: ... Karel: SWORD-SAMA COMMANDS IT!  
MattheW: *hands Karel a pancake*  
Karel: *takes it* sucker...  
Matthew: ...  
  
-----  
TBC  
-----  
  
Bored: heh.. Sorry if that seemed a little rushed.  
Matthew: I'm back!  
Bored: great...  
Matthew: I could find serra. But I got some pancakes!  
Bored: ... Okay... Well it's time to unveil my muse!  
Matthew: oh goodie.  
Bored: cue the lights!  
Matthew: .. *flips the lightswitch*  
Bored: ... uh.. okay.. PRESENTING...KAREL! *points at big red curtain*  
Karel: I'M NOT COMING OUT!  
Bored: Why not?!  
Karel: because Sword-sama said you made a fool of us.  
Bored: ... so?  
Karel: uh.. hold on.. Sword-sama, she wants to know so what?  
Sword-sama: You fool! We are taking a stand! We shall not be made fools of!  
Karel: we won't?  
Sword-sama: NO!  
Karel: uh. right! Sword-sama and I won't be made fools of!  
Bored: just get out here -_-  
Karel: *wanders out* *sees matthew's pancakes* MINE! *grabs them* *feeds them to Sword-sama*  
Matthew: ;_; pancakes...  
Lowen: *rides up gallantly* HAVE NO FEAR!! BREAKFAST MAN IS HERE! *hands Matthew and Karel a plate of pancakes each and rides off into the sunset*  
Bored: ... Okay, this is starting to get weird.  
Heath: *flies in from nowhere* *glares evilly at Bored* why Vaida?! She's ugly!  
Bored: you rather it be Legault?  
Heath: ... eeviiiiil!!  
Bored: ^_^ *jabs Karel with a bat*  
Karel: *eating Pancakes* eh? uh.. review. yeah.. sword-sama commands you. ... blah.  
Bored: ... what he said. 


	5. Swordsama says

FIVE chapters. that's a lot longer than I would have expected   
Eep. Sorry for the lack of updates.. (two months! .. that's not a new record >.>;;;) I've been busy! Really! (Karel: ::COUGH HACK COUGH::)  
WARNING: Karel will be out of a character for a few of them...  
  
Karel: Welcome back. Sword-sama appreciates your reviews. It makes sword-sama feel special.  
Sword-sama: FEEL special?  
Karel: Sword-sama IS special. We should all bow down to Sword-sama. ::bows::  
Sword-sama: good Karel. Go fetch me something to eat.  
Karel: yes sword-sama. ::turns around and walks into matthew::  
Matthew: watch it!  
Bored: ::blinks:: what are you doing here?  
Karel: We live here.  
Bored: IN MY KITCHEN?!  
Matthew: Do you have any cookies and cream ice cream?  
Bored: YOU'RE RAIDING MY FRIDGE?! BAD MATTHEW!  
Matthew: do you have a spoon?  
Bored: ::twitches:: ::reaches for scissors::  
Karel: ::looking through fridge:: what do you want, sword-sama?  
Bored: ::twitches some more:: STOP THAT!! ::reaches for matches::  
Sword-sama: watch out! The short evil one has matches! (A/N: yes, I'm short...)  
Karel: ::unsheathes sword-sama:: Sword-sama says put the matches down!  
Bored: I can hear him.. her? er... it...  
Karel: SWORD-SAMA!  
Bored: ...  
Sword-sama: Fool of a Fanfiction Author! Go update your fanfiction! anad make sure I have a cool part!  
Bored: ...  
Karel: go!!  
Bored: ::sets karel's hair on fire and walks off towards computer to update fic::  
Karel: IT BURNS!!! ::runs around kitchen::  
Sword-sama: FOOL! STOP DROP AND USE MATTHEW TO SMOTHER THE FIRE!  
Karel: WHERE'S MATTHEW?!  
Matthew: ::happily and silently eating ice cream in the computer room behind Bored who is updating the fic and hasn't noticed him yet::  
-----  
Chapter 5: Sword-sama says...  
-----  
  
Matthew: ahhh so bored. ::stands behind kent, chucks a rock at sain and watches sain run over to kent and start crying::  
Sain: YOU'RE SO MEAN KENT! JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET A DATE--  
Kent: ::GLARE::  
Sain: ... um... nevermiiind. ::runs off screaming::  
Kent: SAAAIIN!! ::pursues::  
Matthew: ... it's pretty sad that that's not something you don't see everyday. (meaning you see it everyday...)  
_[Matthew walks around the camp waiting for someone to do something incriminating.. or at least interesting. He hears Eliwood scream and runs over to the tent. He finds that Eliwood has encountered a ladybug. The loser. He then hears Hector laughing mockingly. He hurries over to the laugh but only sees that Oswin has made Serra cry... again. So, Kent is trying to kill Sain, Lucius has dragged Raven, Erk, and Priscilla off to Oswinland for a day of Oswin-y fun, Eliwood is being retarded, Hector and Oswin are tormenting Serra, Harken and Marcus are fighting over Isadora (going something like "Harken: YOU TAKE HER! Marcus: NO YOU TAKE HER! Harken: I DON'T WANT HER!, Marcus: WELL WHY WOULD I WANT HER?!"), Geitz, Dorcas, and Hawkeye are using Bartre as a moving... or sort of moving target, Nino and Jaffar are having tea (haha Jaffar looks funny sitting at a small plastic table (A/N: I know Nino is fourteen, but you gotta admit, that's pretty funny)), Rebecca and Rath are stealing Wil's bow strings, Louise and Pent are doing who knows what in Erk's tent while he's away, Canas is reading a magazine (heh. heh.), Lowen is in the cooking tent, Florina, Fiora, and Farina are using their triangle attack on Wallace, Lyn is running around the camp looking for "Rathy-chan", Dart is carrying a shovel and saying "ARRR I BE LOOKING FOR ME TREASURE.", Legault and Vaida are 'playing' Heath-hunt, Merlinus is hiding from Hannah, and Ninian and Nils are throwing water balloons at Eliwood. All in all, another typical day. (Fear me. I am the master of run-on sentences >=] Okay, maybe not.)]_  
Matthew: .. time to make something happen! ::turns around and tries to run off suspiciously but runs into Karel:: oof!  
Karel: Foolish theif/spy/assassin thing.  
Matthew: uh.. right.. ::tries to bypass karel::  
Karel: you shall not pass!!!! ::strikes sword-sama into the ground and glares at Matthew threateningly::  
Matthew: that's bad for your sword's blade.  
Karel: I knew that. ::pulls sword-sama out of ground and hugs it protectively::  
Matthew: ... that's bad for your arms. You're bleeding.  
Karel: shut up.  
Matthew: ::has sudden bright idea:: Karel, do you want to play a game?  
Karel: Game? Does it involve--  
Matthew: blood, death, gore, favours, blackmail, all that good stuff.  
Karel: .. um.. hold on while I consult Sword-sama. ::turns his back to matthew and holds his sword up to his ear:: Yes... it would be good to have the conniving thief on our side... yes... you're right... if something goes wrong, we'll kill him. Yess... ice cream..  
Matthew: o.O  
Karel: ::turns around:: Okay. We accept your little invitation.  
Matthew: good. Okay, here are the rules  
Karel: Sword-sama doesn't like rules.  
Matthew: Um... here are the... uh... guidelines by which most people have to follow or have some sort of consequence take place but are completely obsolete to sword-sama?  
Karel: Okay. Sword-sama agrees.  
Matthew: ... ... uh... right.. well anyway, all you have to do is go around and tell people to do scary things and threaten them until they comply.  
Karel: sounds like fun.  
Matthew: oh. it is. =)  
Karel: What's this game called?  
MattheW: uh... sword-sama says?  
Karel: Sword-sama likes the sound of that.  
Matthew: good for you. Now why don't we find your first target... ::looks around camp::  
Karel: ::runs off::  
Matthew: ::spots Erk:: there! him! Karel you should.. Karel? Karel? Where the hell did he go!?  
  
**Karel and Raven C support:**  
  
Raven: ... I don't think Lucius will find me here...  
Karel: Hullo.  
Raven: bah! huh... you're that swordsmaster guy..  
Karel: Guy is a loser. you shall not compare me with him!!  
Raven: .. That's not what a meant... gah.. whatever...  
Karel: ...  
Raven: what do you want?  
Karel: ... sword-sama has deemed you worthy!! Sword-sama shall have your blood!! You will be cut down by sword-sama's blaaaade!!  
Raven: ...  
Karel: .. um.. hold on..  
Raven: okay..  
Karel: sword-sama says to put on a a sparkly jacket and dance the charleston!  
Raven: ...  
Karel: ... do it!  
Raven: ...  
Karel: Sword-sama commaaaands you!!  
Raven: ... are you... _talking_ to your sword?  
Karel: ... yes?  
Raven: ... ::edges away and disappears from the screen::  
Karel: curses... don't worry sword-sama, I won't mess up next time...  
  
**Karel and Raven B support:**  
  
Raven: Um.. Karel?  
Karel: Aha! What have you come for? Do you wish to dance the sparkly charleston?  
Raven: ... no.  
Karel: Then what is it that you want?  
Raven: .. why do you talk to your sword?  
Karel: My sword is my life. I am one with my sword.  
Raven: ... so... you're talking to yourself?  
Karel: ...uh... yes?  
Raven: ... okay... have you considered seeing a... er... specialist?  
Karel: Of what sort?  
Raven: ... um... a... mental specialist.  
Karel: who's mental?  
Raven: you are.  
Karel: I shall go then.  
Raven: o.O really?  
Karel: IF... you dance...  
Raven: I refuse to dance.  
Karel: DANCE!  
Raven: no.  
Karel: DANCE!! DAAAANCE!!!  
Raven: no.  
Karel: ... please?  
Raven: no.  
[at this point, Karel has suddenly disappeared off screen]  
Raven: ... Karel? Karel!  
[at THIS point, Karel suddenly appears behind Raven!]  
Karel: ::raises sword-sama:: DANCE!!! ::lunges at Raven::  
Raven: ::ducks:: Karel: ::rams into a tree:: DANCE!! DANCE TREE DANCE!!  
Raven: ...  
  
**Karel and Raven A Support:**  
  
Karel: Mwahahaaa!! You have danced!!  
Raven: Karel? Are you done killing that tree now?  
Karel: Yes sword-sama.  
Raven: ... Karel?  
Karel: No sword-sama.  
Raven: .. KAREL!  
Karel: ::turns around:: huh? ... you.. wait.. weren't you over.. ::Turns around:: there... ::turns around:: before?  
Raven: ... no.  
Karel: Liar! What did you do with the sparkly jacket?!  
Raven: ... it's on that tree.  
Karel: ... ... MY SPARKLY JACKET! ::runs and grabs it and hugs it::  
Raven: ... ::puts on a white coat and glasses:: Come. Sit. ::points at couch and chair that wasn't there before but is now there because this is a fanfiction and I am the author and I can make whatever I want to appear appear! mwaha!::  
Karel: ::sits:: cushy.  
Raven: Now. ::taps on clipboard with pen that also wasn't there before but is now:: Tell me. Are you on any medication?  
Karel: Zoloft.  
Raven: I see... no wonder you act so strangly.  
Karel: ...?  
Raven: How do you FEEL about taking zoloft?  
Karel: ... fuzzy.  
Raven: ... I see. I am now going to prescribe you some prozac. Let's make an appointment in a month and see how you're doing. It's been 2 minutes since we started, and at the rate of 1000 gold a minute, that'll be 2000 gold.  
Karel: #$%#$!!! Sword-sama will make you pay!!! ::lunges and attacks::  
Raven: I see... and how do you FEEL about that?  
Karel: ... hungry.  
Raven: very good. that'll be 3000 gold.  
  
-----  
  
Sorry, I'm gonna have to cut it a bit (ha!) short this time. Cause I have finals and I have to study x.x;;; After finals (next thursday!) I'll update with the rest of Sword-sama says!  
  
Matthew: fwa. next thursday. She means next month.  
Bored: -- ::has noticed Matthew:: WHY YOU LITTLE THEIF!! GIMME BACK MY ICE CREAM!!  
Matthew: No! ::hugs gallon of ice cream! Mine!  
Bored: ::Watches it melt::  
Matthew: .. ew... sticky...  
Bored: nyeh. serves you right.  
Karel: ::lunges at Matthew:: SWORD-SAMA SAYS 'GIMME ICE CREAM!!'  
Bored: ::Sweatdrop:: ... see ya next week...  
Matthew: ... eep. ::dodge:: see ya next month!  
Bored: ::hits Matthew with a spoon:: WEEK!  
Matthew: Month!  
Wahh.. hope it's next week ;;; Karel: Sword-sama says.. REVIEW! NOW! AND LEAvE THE ICE CREAM! AND A SPOON! AND SOME MEAT! AND HAMBURGER BUNS! AND...  
Sword-sama: shut up Karel.  
Karel: >.>;; ::hugs sparkly jacket:: sparkly.. 


	6. Swordsama says continued!

Bored: eh. hehhhehh...  
Matthew: What'd I tell ya?  
Bored: .... shut up. It hasn't been a month!  
Matthew: Nyeh. It's been more than a week!  
Bored: ... ::throws pancake at Matthew::  
Matthew: .. ::Catches it:: did you run out of sharp things to throw?  
Bored: no.  
Matthew: Then why a pan--  
Karel: HYAAA!!! UNHAND THAT PANCAKE! :: Tackles Matthew and grabs pancake:: YES! SWORD-SAMA AND KAREL! PANCAKE PROTECTORS!! ::stuffs pancake in mouth and runs off::  
Matthew: .. ow. x.x  
Bored: Fear the Karel OOC goodness! =D  
  
-----  
Chapter 6 - Sword-sama says... continued!  
-----  
  
Karel: Sparkly...  
Matthew: Karel! There you are. I've been looking... over there... for you. ::pulls out needed blackmail list and looks it over::  
Karel: ::sees something shiny:: shiiiiny... ::wanders off::  
Matthew: Okay. Erk. Now Karel, I need you to-- Karel? Karel? DAMN IT! KAREL!!  
  
**Karel and Serra C support**:  
Karel: shiiny...  
Serra: ... ::hits button on boombox::  
[Serra music starts playing]  
Serra: Hi! Who are you? ::bounce::  
Karel: ......  
Serra: HULLO! Hey! You can't just ignore me! Hey! Don't you know who I am?! I am the beautiful superior and uber cyute cleric of this group! Are you even listening to me?! OOoo!! Fine! ::Stalks off::  
Karel: ::turns around:: huh? ... ::wearing headset:: Okay.. whatever... ringringringringringringring banana phone! (A/N: Okay... er... it's better if you don't ask.. >.>;;;)  
  
**Karel and Serra B support**:  
Serra: omigosh! well if it isn't... you.  
Karel: .. what? who the hell are you?  
Serra: omigosh! Is that how you talk to girls?!  
Karel: .. yes.  
Serra: ... uh... sooo... who are you?  
Karel: I asked you.  
Serra: nuh uh! I soo asked you before yesterday!  
Karel: I don't recall that.  
Serra: oohhh!! meanie! fine! I'm Serra! The beautiful uber cyute cleric!  
Karel: ...  
Serra: HELLO? Hey! ::bounce:: hey!! ::bounce::  
Karel: quiet!  
Serra: ::stops bouncing:: ...  
Karel: Yes sword-sama...  
Serra: huh?  
Karel: sword-sama says... DIE! ::lunge::  
Serra: EEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ERKY!!!!!!!! ::runs away::  
Karel: .. mwaha.. stupid cleric. Hmph. I'm supposed to feel calm and happy when I'm around people who don't fight. Huh? what's that sword-sama? Yeah, you're right. NO ONE could feel calm and happy around.. THAT cleric...  
  
**Karel and Serra A support:**  
Serra: Hmm... I wonder where erky is.  
Karel: ... you! Do as sword-sama says! ::lunge::  
Serra: EEK! It's.. OMIGOSH! can I braid your hair?  
Karel: ... ::stops:: what?  
Serra: your HAIR. omigosh! it's soo soft! What do you put on it?  
Karel: .. blood. and pancakes... and herbal essences!  
Random People that show up out of nowhere in those annoying commercials: Herbal Essences! ::Hold out bottles and head towards Karel::  
Karel: ... sword-sama says... spin around in circles and then dig a big hole and then jump in it and get us ice cream.  
RPTSUOONITSAC: ... what?  
Karel: ::brandishes sword::  
RPTSUOONITSAC: ::start spinning::  
Serra: ...  
Karel: .. what?  
Serra: ... EWWW!!! You put HERBAL ESSENCES ON YOUR HAIR?! I can understand the blood and definitely the pancakes, but Herbal Essences?! ew!  
Karel: ...  
Serra: ew!  
Karel: ... ::pulls out sword-sama:: ... so... uh.. sword-sama says... gimme the brand name of a better shampoo!  
Serra: ... We have much to talk about.  
  
**Karel and Bartre C Support: (let's just pretend Karla's there, okay?)**  
  
Bartre: KARLA! ::runs up and hugs Karel::  
Karel: O.O Get off of me! ::stabs Bartre::  
Bartre: auuuuughhh rreareghhhhh...  
Karel: ... ...  
Bartre: I be okay. I just need go find one of dem healy persons. ::stumbles away::  
Karel: ...  
  
**Karel and Bartre B support:**  
  
Karel: ::walks up:: So you are the uh.. Bartre.  
Bartre: Hi Karla.  
Karel: I'm not Karla!  
Bartre: You're not?  
Karel: DO I LOOK FEMALE TO YOU!?  
Bartre: Oh. OH YEAH. Female uh huh. I mean. No!  
Karel: ...  
Bartre: What I mean is... Uh... you're.. NOT Karla?  
Karel: ... No.  
Bartre: Oh... are you sure?  
Karel: YOU HAVE OFFENDED ME! SWORD-SAMA SAYS THAT TASTING YOUR BLOOD WILL BE NASTY AND UNFULFILLING! So. I will instead hack you to death with this rusty iron sword.  
Bartre: uhhhhhhhh... I'll leave you alone now. ::runs away::  
Karel: SWORD-SAMA SAYS COME BACK AND DIE LIKE THAT MONKEY WE KILLED EARLIER!  
**Karel and Bartre A support:**  
  
Bartre: Hello scary man. Karla told me you are her brother, Karel! The sword demon! Spar with me!  
Karel: ::standing behind Bartre:: ... uh.. Bartre... I'm.. over here...  
Bartre: ::turns around:: I knew that! Let us fiiiight!!  
Karel: why should we fight you?  
Bartre: Cause.. you're strong. and I'm strong. and strong people fight!  
Karel: ... ... ::falls over:: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!  
Bartre: ... uh ...  
Karel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
Bartre: hahaha... haha... ha... hahahahaha!! HAHAHAHA!!  
Karel: ... ::stands up::  
Bartre: HAHAHAHA!!!  
Karel: ... ::walks away::  
Bartre: HAHA... hey! wait for me! karla-- I mean Karel! Karel! Come back and fight me! ::runs off screen (and although you can't see it, into a tree.)::  
  
Matthew: Karel! There you are. ::walks over:: Karel, who did yo-- ... why is your hair braided?  
Karel: uhh...  
Matthew: ... NEVERMIND. So, what info did you get?  
Karel: Uhh...  
Matthew: ... what did you get the people to do?  
Karel: ... well Raven put on a white coat and glasses.  
Matthew: got a picture?  
Karel: .. nope.  
Matthew: -.-;;; what else?  
Karel: well.. Serra... uhh... the RPTSUOONITSAC spun around in circles and bought me ice cream.  
Matthew: ript sue ooni sac?  
Karel: uh huh. and uh.. Bartre walked into a tree.  
Matthew: ... ...  
Karel: what?  
Matthew: ::takes a picture of Karel in braids and eating ice cream and runs off::  
Karel: ... ::blink:: Huh? You want some ice cream sword-sama?  
  
-----  
  
Woo.. that was bad. It was rushed? ::sweatdrop::  
  
Matthew: hmph. Karel is useless. Lowen! More pancakes!  
Lowen: what am I doing here?  
Bored: making us pancakes.  
Lowen: o.O It's 4:32 in the afternoon!  
Bored: ... so?  
Lowen: >. Karel: Sword-sama wanted belgium waffles.  
Sword-sama: with chocolate chips and strawberries  
Lowen: But I'm supposed to be cooking for Lord Eliwood! and Sir Marcus!  
Matthew: aw. but they suck. Eliwood is a wimp. and Marcus... is just a big moving target.  
Bored: Legault is a better thief than you, Matthew.  
Matthew: hey!  
Bored: He is! he's stronger!  
Matthew: But Legault is creepy. He likes Heath.  
Bored: heehee... ::waves a Legault x Heath banner::  
  
Zero (Tsubasa no Kami aka Ayokaeu): ::pops in from no where in particular and waves a Raven x Karel sign::  
Bored: o.O;;; You have problems.  
Zero: nyah!  
Karel: ::burns the sign:: Where'd the guy with no eyes go?  
Bored: meat shopping.  
Karel: MEEAT!!!!! ::runs around screaming about meat::  
Bored: O.o;;; I think.. I should end this now...  
Sword-sama: ::slaps Karel:: Stop it! Say your line!  
Karel: Review cause sword-sama says so! ONEGAI! ::bow:: ... MEAAAAAAT!!!!! ::continues to run around::  
Bored: ::smacks forehead::  
Zero: heehee.. ::pops out::  
Bored: see ya... whenever I decide to update... 


End file.
